I reached the bottom, the absolute bottom, and felt like I could not go any further down, and that the only answer was to leave this world and the pain behind, and so I died.
I put a gun in my mouth to die a mortal death. But instead I got out of the tub. I found a way to get up, pick up the pieces, start over. I died a spiritual death, reborn again in the same body.
Am I surrounded by people who have experienced this death and rebirth within the same bodies? Do I brush past these people who also focus on daily distractions from pain?
These days my self-talk goes like this: The spiritual death and rebirth takes place when we are at our lowest and yet survive. In our darkest moments we are forced to face our fear; we are forced to work through our pain and despair. We are forced to eventually accept the loss of what we thought we couldn’t live without, and then begin to realize what truly matters in our lives. Some of us will spiritually live and die many times over in the span of a mortal lifetime.
Each rebirth is a transformation I make as I get closer to my true self.
Loss is painful, but it is a crucial part of my path. A necessary waypoint. In order to move forward, I have to walk through it. To walk around it, to avoid the pain of loss, is to leave my necessary path.